Cycles

Everything happens in cycles. Fashions, Trends, Celebrity Deaths, you name it.

My life happens in cliché. If there is an answer you’ve heard a million times and its starting to get on your nerves, than it’s probably the most logical explanation of what I might be dealing with. At least, that is how I tend to see it. No, I don’t like it, but that’s the way it is. There’s naught I can do.

So I fail in cycles, and get fucked over in patterns, I succeed at a minimal rate but usually know how and why it took so long. This is funny because you would think that I might have learned my lesson by now. No such luck.

Relationships too, now that I have had a chance to look at them long enough. They start off hot and heavy. They hit their stride and hopefully they don’t hit the fan. If they do, it doesn’t mean it’s over yet. Why? Because for every major relationship there tends to be a good solid period of “I love you, you love me, and let’s fuck each other up really bad so the next person is miserable.” I’m hoping that doesn’t happen to me again, but like I said…

Cycles.

Why do people sabotage themselves? I really am trying to avoid falling into old habits but it’s gonna happen eventually. I wish it weren’t like that but self preservation dictates that when push comes to shove, when you’re in a corner, what do you do? Push. Shove. Corner. Fight. Hurt.

Hobbies are like that aren’t they? I have a vast collection of video games that I have no interest in because that cycle has ended. They are collecting dust next to my Pet Rock collection, Used Condom Satues, Model Air Plane Shelf, and Pokemon cards.

Now, I can take the route of the philosopher and try my best to analyze why all this happens but let’s face it. I’m in my late 20s, not my late teens. So analyzing the way the world turns no longer works for me. I’m no longer that wide eyed kid with a band T-Shirt and ideals walking up the steps of the finest community college my lazy feet could carry me too, smoking cigarettes and arguing the difference between Hardcore and Post Hardcore, and what coffee tastes better in the winter.

No thank you.

I’m too tired. I’m sore. I want to roll over and fall asleep. I’d rather read a novel, or watch a movie, in my boxers, so please leave me alone. I wonder if this too is Cyclical. I start to think. I start to analyze. My youthful dreams and aspirations come into play and mess with my slightly older and experienced cynicism and begin something new.

Then I remember something I read on a forum once.

"You know what else is Cyclical? These nuts in your mouth."